prom tomorrow....errr...i already ruined my dress at the prom i went to last week....eww

im gonna take a nap...i feel like fainting

hmm so...plenty of time has passed since my last blog so i thought i should update!...i find it funny how one year can mean so much, i finally feel secure with myself.  I feel like i'm finally taking one step closer to living the life i wanna live...even though i still think freshman year was the best by far, this year is the one that finally made me who i am, it made me find my true (wierd) self. hmmm lets seee...one thing i learned...Trying to be a non-conformist is just another form of conforming, why be "labeled" why can't you just "be", like what you do and who you are.  For example, clay can either fit into the mold, or not fit in to the mold,  but really, why does there even have to be a mold, why can't the clay just be clay?  So i guess what i'm saying is, i'm over the whole "I'M NOT BLOND...I HATE HOLLISTER....I HATE ABRECROMBIE, I HATE EMO(omg whole new topic!)" thing and realized that instead of NOT trying to find a label that i do or do not fit into...i should just "be."

btw...i do find emo to be a very interesting mold, the goal of the emo society is to not conform and to break from the mold of "every day" society, but by labeling themselves and creating this subculture, they themselves are therefore "fitting in" to the mold

a new term i've recently heard from my "emo" friends is "poser emo" GOSH DOES THAT ONE NEED TO BE EXPLAINED! how can some one "pose" as an emotional person...WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONS!  further more how can you pose as a non conformist by joining a culture of conformists?....(have i lost you yet?)

"emo music"- now heres a funny one! the bands my emo friends listen to (and yes i have emo friends....i've learned to embrace difference and take people for who they really are, label or no label) are underground bands, basically good bands that have not reached the mainstream.  The funny part about this is that once the band does reach the mainstream, they are labeled "sell outs" and (he who shall not be named) stops listening to them completely....NOW HOW IS THAT NOT CONFORMING, TELL ME CUZ I NEED TO KNOW!!....if you like a band listen to them, just cuz your sister now knows they exist doesn't mean that now, no matter how good they play, you are suddenly forced to shun them and never speak of there music as good ever again!...so i talked to the emo dude about all the stuff i have just outlined for you...and ha! he was speechless....i think he realized that he is cool enough as a person...he doesnt need a label to tell him that.

err it's 2 am....sleepy time!

ohoh i recorded some crap at yoshi's house yesterday and the day b4...and it really got me thinking...i love music...i need to work harder to persue it....i have so many chances waving there butts in my face and i just keep turing away!...TAKE A CHANCE AMANDA!....DO IT NOW B4 U GET OLD!....heed the warning of those darn old age sticks!

pwahaha....funny peom....love it..learn it...live it!

peace yoh's

woohoo

!

life is good!

long story short....HAPPINESS FILLS THE AIR!

*breath!

wells there was a festival today, it was pretty cool...i had a solo and people seemed to like it so yah...woohoo...never go to a classical festival, it was so boring i ended the day w/ a paper hat and airplane.  But yah, i think the solo helped me further my reputation with the new choir director....as we all know, we worked so hard to get mr. willert to notice us, and all that time and effort went down the drane when he left...so yah....im workin hard to gain back what ever trust mr. willert had in me, w/ brieteg....luck to y'all!

till next time,

 the manda panda bear!

As of now, my dreams and aspirations must take presidence over all else.  No more distractions.  I must focus my attention to the future, and all the hoops i must jump through to get there.  After all, if I don't stop dwelling, and keep on procrastinating, how am i ever gonna find my fiyero or mr. darcy (which ever you prefer), i know he's out there somewhere, but until then, i must pre-occupy myself with my present hurdles...school work, my dream of a future on broadway, and to help as many people as possible with whatever can.  Life will pass by much faster if it conscists of hard work and effort, because, as everyone knows, doing something productive always helps time move.

im suprised at how many people actually read my xanga...haha, i know many of my friends who read my last post knows that i rarely get like that, so it had to be pretty bad.  Thanks for caring, but don't worry.  To all who asked me wether or not the person i was writing about was them, it wasn't, every single word of it represented a moment in that persons and my past together, so yah....it wasnt any of you!...haha, well anyways, im feeling alot better now, i guess i'm one of those people who just need time to except the way my life is.  The truth is, my life isn't a bad one, there are so many people in this world who stil live in slavery (yes even today), and there are so many people who are constantly tortured, and live their whole lives wishing it where over.  So although i complain and rant about allthe crap that happens to me, i always end that the same conclusion ",It could be worse."  So take it from me, when your feeling sorry for yourself think about all the other people in the world going through something much worse.

so till next time, i love y'all, i really do =)